A Realization It’s Time to Overcome the Wall

I’ve recently taken a deeper look at my life. In doing so, I am routinely contemplating ways to improve myself. Specifically, I want to make the vision I have for myself a reality. At my core, I crave simplicity and routine. More recently, I’ve learned that the lack of stability during my childhood is probably partially to blame. It’s also my personality. I remember being very young and creating structure for myself, whether in the form of schedules or habits. That ability to structure my life has made me more successful. I want to be the best possible version of myself. I’m giving myself permission to figure some things out which has led to some pretty interesting questions recently and made me step outside my comfort zone.

I’ve been trying to answer two simple questions. It’s not enough to answer them though. I need to fully understand my responses.

How do you relax?

Not well. I am hardwired to solve problems, accomplish goals, and keep moving. I love the thought of relaxing, but I don’t practice it on a regular basis. I can list off some activities I find relaxing, but there are two lingering problems. One is that I can turn the most relaxing activity into a task. Secondly, I don’t give myself permission to relax on a regular basis. If I relax, I’m not getting something done. Well that’s just not a healthy approach. The crazy thing is I’m the one creating all of these expectations and deadlines.

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How do you recharge?

Hawaii. That’s my simple response. If I’m in Hawaii, I am relaxing and recharging. I become a completely different person…I believe I become a more authentic version of myself. The islands speak to my soul. I know that sounds silly, but it’s the truth. Hawaii is my docking station, and I haven’t figured out how to recreate that in my day to day life.

So, how do I learn to recharge without an expensive plane ticket to the islands? What is it about Hawaii? Better yet, what actions am I taking while on vacation that I’m not taking at home? These are the questions I’m pondering at the moment.

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I realize I need to simplify, because I’m hitting the wall faster and faster. In the last couple of years, I’ve hit the wall every three to four months. You might be asking yourself, what is this wall? It’s the wall of exhaustion, frustration, and burnout. It’s this tall stone wall with no end in sight. I can’t climb it or go around it. Every now and then, I find a small window. The breeze feels good on my face, and I can finally breathe for a moment; however, the window is too small for an escape. I really hate this wall. I now realize it’s time to make a change to avoid the wall altogether. I can’t realistically keep the pace up nor do I want to. I also can’t afford a trip to Hawaii every quarter. What can I do now?

My hope is that this exploration will lead to happiness and contentment. I want to learn how to recharge my batteries no matter my location. I want to allow my true self the opportunity to thrive.

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I know this post is very different from my usual posts, but I felt the need to share it with you. You might be experiencing something similar, and I want you to know it’s perfectly fine. We got this! I need to ask a favor though, I’d like to know which books you highly recommend. I have been given the task to take up reading again in an attempt to shut my brain off and recharge. Share your thoughts and book recommendations in the comments below. I’m not sure where this journey will end up, but I’m excited!

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